The ‘I’m struggling’ thread

[Block 205]

Any of you that are fans of line of duty if you are interested my late wife’s memorial lecture is next Friday with Jed Mercurio (you may have seen her line of duty recaps for the guardian) should be a fascinating chat

https://www.rsm.ac.uk/events/history-of-medicine/2021-22/hsq07/

I've only just seen this Muswell, and I'm so sorry for everything that's happened to you and your family over the last year or so. I was an avid reader of Sarah's Guardian recaps and all of the BTL comments that she so freely joined in with, (and was a lurker on there too!), and the community that she built up on there with Line of Duty, GOT etc. was very reminiscent of what happens on here too.

I hope that you took some comfort from the open thread that they left up during the last season of LOD, many of the comments on there summed up just how much she meant to so many people who'd never even met her, and the fact that she was doing some of the recaps from her hospital bed right up until the end just reflected her passion for her work, and we were all very lucky to have been part of the experience.

All the best to you and yours, and I hope that being on here can provide you with some small distraction and enjoyment going forwards.

 

[robith]

Sorry to have to resurrect this thread. A week and a bit ago dad had the "there's nothing more we can do" chat. I know it was coming, and it's been upsetting but I've been steeling myself for it.

What has made it worse however is my partner has now caught covid. Dad is becoming quite detached and agitated and not himself. On a video call he got super aggressive with me (he is a very placid man) about not coming over in person, but how can I? Potentially rob him of any time he has left? I couldn't live with myself.

Making a horrible situation all the worse

 

[Lbur4288]

Sorry to have to resurrect this thread. A week and a bit ago dad had the "there's nothing more we can do" chat. I know it was coming, and it's been upsetting but I've been steeling myself for it.

What has made it worse however is my partner has now caught covid. Dad is becoming quite detached and agitated and not himself. On a video call he got super aggressive with me (he is a very placid man) about not coming over in person, but how can I? Potentially rob him of any time he has left? I couldn't live with myself.

Making a horrible situation all the worse

I lost both parents to cancer by 21 and had different situations for both. My dad was a very stiff upper lip type of guy and kept it to himself until he'd slipped into a coma; my mums situation was very similar to the situation you find yourself in now, it's bloody awful and I'm so sorry to hear you and your family are going through this - it's difficult to watch but what I had to do was to remember that my mum was going through an h
unthinkable experience and was probably very scared of the unknown. Your dad will likely be similar and unfortunately youve just got to roll with the punches and know that it's not because of anything you done. If it's any consolation, my mum did seem to ease on the erratic stuff once she'd got her head around things a bit.

 

[Joleg]

Thoughts are with you robith

DM's are always open for you

 

[Saxon Warrior]

Sorry to have to resurrect this thread. A week and a bit ago dad had the "there's nothing more we can do" chat. I know it was coming, and it's been upsetting but I've been steeling myself for it.

What has made it worse however is my partner has now caught covid. Dad is becoming quite detached and agitated and not himself. On a video call he got super aggressive with me (he is a very placid man) about not coming over in person, but how can I? Potentially rob him of any time he has left? I couldn't live with myself.

Making a horrible situation all the worse

I've been on that journey with my Dad, robith, and found that I had to become stronger, as my Dad weakened, and our family struggled to cope with the situation.

I feel your situation, I know how it feels when the direction of travel is the one that no-one wants to go down.

Be strong for yourself, your family and especially your Dad.
That will help later on.

We are here, collectively or individually, when you need us.
Sharing helps.

 

[Odin]

We are here, collectively or individually, when you need us.
Sharing helps.

These last two lines struck a chord with me Sax. Never heard "we are here for you" put so eloquently in a group situation. Dunno why, just thought I'd let you know it felt perfect for the moment.

robith I'm lucky enough to not have been through your situation yet. We recently lost my grandma after a long battle with Alzheimers. I didn't get chance to see her because my mum had COVID and was a carer, but I'd made my peace with what was going to happen. Your situation sounds horrible. I hope you find the strength that Sax spoke of and never ever feel like you're a burden for putting things on here - or distracting yourself on here for that matter - we are all here for you in whatever capacity you need.

 

[nortonscoin200]

Big hugs robith - we will always be here for you.

 

[Stormez]

Thoughts are with you robith been there & it’s heartbreaking.

All you can do is be strong for your family, but make sure you take time for yourself.

 

[Clinker]

Sorry to have to resurrect this thread. A week and a bit ago dad had the "there's nothing more we can do" chat. I know it was coming, and it's been upsetting but I've been steeling myself for it.

What has made it worse however is my partner has now caught covid. Dad is becoming quite detached and agitated and not himself. On a video call he got super aggressive with me (he is a very placid man) about not coming over in person, but how can I? Potentially rob him of any time he has left? I couldn't live with myself.

Making a horrible situation all the worse

You don't need to apologise... this thread is here for that exact reason. Never feel it wrong to share thoughts or feelings, whether it be happy or sad. As others have mentioned there is a support community here if you want it, or professional organisations that will listen and support you. You choose what is right for you, as the famous line states, its good to share. You are not alone. Be strong for you and your family, but make that time for yourself if and when you need to let things go, do not bottle it up.

 

[robith]

Thank you everyone for your kind words.

He was in hospital yesterday and had his stomach drained and ended up staying overnight which upset him a great deal. However we had the pallative nurse over this morning who basically spend half an hour kicking the NHS' arse into shape getting everything sorted for him so feeling much better about everything now, though this may collapse when i see him in person

 

[FinalFurlong91]

Can very much empathise robith

My dad had a cardiac arrest whilst out jogging this afternoon and is currently in intensive care on a ventilator

Feel like iv been hit by a truck out of knowhere as he's only 63

He's a tough old bugger so hopefully he pulls through, but it doesn't look good

 

[Saxon Warrior]

Can very much empathise robith

My dad had a cardiac arrest whilst out jogging this afternoon and is currently in intensive care on a ventilator

Feel like iv been hit by a truck out of knowhere as he's only 63

He's a tough old bugger so hopefully he pulls through, but it doesn't look good

That Terrible news FinalFurlong91
I do hope he gets a speedy recovery.

 

[Saxon Warrior]

These last two lines struck a chord with me Sax. Never heard "we are here for you" put so eloquently in a group situation. Dunno why, just thought I'd let you know it felt perfect for the moment.

robith I'm lucky enough to not have been through your situation yet. We recently lost my grandma after a long battle with Alzheimers. I didn't get chance to see her because my mum had COVID and was a carer, but I'd made my peace with what was going to happen. Your situation sounds horrible. I hope you find the strength that Sax spoke of and never ever feel like you're a burden for putting things on here - or distracting yourself on here for that matter - we are all here for you in whatever capacity you need.

Kind words Odin thank you.

I think we would all seek to support each other on FJ.

 

[Magpie]

So sorry to hear this news Robith & FF.
Sadly been through this with my mum Robith, and it’s a hell of a tough journey. If I can offer any advice, it’s to take a little time out when you can, and don’t feel guilty to laugh or have moments of happiness. It helped me a lot to stay strong for my family. Hope that makes sense.

FF, hope your dad gets better, thinking of you mate. Again keep strong as much as you can.

 

[robith]

Can very much empathise robith

My dad had a cardiac arrest whilst out jogging this afternoon and is currently in intensive care on a ventilator

Feel like iv been hit by a truck out of knowhere as he's only 63

He's a tough old bugger so hopefully he pulls through, but it doesn't look good

My auld fella is 63 too. Sending all the well wishes your way FF, thinking of you

 

[robith]

I've had two of the most stressful days of my life as his deterioration has caught everyone on the hop and the NHS really is at breaking point. He was in agony today and my sister and I have basically spent all day fighting to get him the care in place that we needed. Thankfully around 1 we got the GP over and through him got some palliative nurses around. They sorted him right out. He's got a morphine driver now, which means that the end is pretty near, but it also means he's peaceful.

He wanted to pass at home and at peace. We gave it everything and got that for him.

That said if you'll forgive me some gallows humour, if he dies on my birthday (tomorrow) I'll never forgive the bastard

 

[Stormez]

I've had two of the most stressful days of my life as his deterioration has caught everyone on the hop and the NHS really is at breaking point. He was in agony today and my sister and I have basically spent all day fighting to get him the care in place that we needed. Thankfully around 1 we got the GP over and through him got some palliative nurses around. They sorted him right out. He's got a morphine driver now, which means that the end is pretty near, but it also means he's peaceful.

He wanted to pass at home and at peace. We gave it everything and got that for him.

That said if you'll forgive me some gallows humour, if he dies on my birthday (tomorrow) I'll never forgive the bastard

Can speak from experience as to how amazing the palliative nurses are, so you can take great comfort that all your efforts were worth it to get them involved.

You’ve shared more than anyone on here your relationship with your father whether it be through QPR or other things, and you’ve shared the sort of relationship all of us would wish for.

To grow up to be be best friends with your children or parents is more than anyone could wish for, and you’ve both nailed it. Mourn when it’s time for it but at the same time appreciate how lucky you’ve made each other.

All the best to you both Rob.

 

[Geordieboy83]

Sorry to have to resurrect this thread. A week and a bit ago dad had the "there's nothing more we can do" chat. I know it was coming, and it's been upsetting but I've been steeling myself for it.

What has made it worse however is my partner has now caught covid. Dad is becoming quite detached and agitated and not himself. On a video call he got super aggressive with me (he is a very placid man) about not coming over in person, but how can I? Potentially rob him of any time he has left? I couldn't live with myself.

Making a horrible situation all the worse

Thoughts are with you mate

 

[BigChaang]

I've had two of the most stressful days of my life as his deterioration has caught everyone on the hop and the NHS really is at breaking point. He was in agony today and my sister and I have basically spent all day fighting to get him the care in place that we needed. Thankfully around 1 we got the GP over and through him got some palliative nurses around. They sorted him right out. He's got a morphine driver now, which means that the end is pretty near, but it also means he's peaceful.

He wanted to pass at home and at peace. We gave it everything and got that for him.

That said if you'll forgive me some gallows humour, if he dies on my birthday (tomorrow) I'll never forgive the bastard

Rob , My thought's are with you , My Dad passed away and i was 12000 miles away - In Oz. . 4 month's later , my first Daughter was born .
He knew we were expecting . and i'm sure 100 % he wanted to hang on for that , But in the end , he just didn't want to spend any more time in Hospital.
He passed at home , with my Mum , and although miles away , i was on the phone at the time .
If i was in his position , I'm sure i would have done the Same ..
My Mum had a stroke a year to the day after my Dad passed , So I had another trip back to Blighty , To do what i could.
Which wasn't much , But 24 years on. My Mum is still going Strong , A bit Cranky , but still Battling..
I am sure your Dad will hold out for as long as Poss, But , don't take it too personally if it happen's on your birthday.
Not sure this will make you feel any Better , But i think you'll get the Gist . b.c..

 

[Block 205]

I've had two of the most stressful days of my life as his deterioration has caught everyone on the hop and the NHS really is at breaking point. He was in agony today and my sister and I have basically spent all day fighting to get him the care in place that we needed. Thankfully around 1 we got the GP over and through him got some palliative nurses around. They sorted him right out. He's got a morphine driver now, which means that the end is pretty near, but it also means he's peaceful.

He wanted to pass at home and at peace. We gave it everything and got that for him.

That said if you'll forgive me some gallows humour, if he dies on my birthday (tomorrow) I'll never forgive the bastard

I'm so sorry to hear this robith, it must be a horrendous time for you. As Stormez said though, it's fantastic that you've maintained such a close relationship with your Dad right up to the end, and I'm sure that if I'm lucky enough to be in a similar position with my children when my time comes, it would be a massive comfort.to me.

My thoughts are with you.