• HELP US - Become a Patron - Fat Jockey is a horse racing community focused on all the big races in the UK and Ireland. We don't charge users but if you have found the site useful then any support towards the running costs is appreciated ... a small donation each month would be a huge contribution. Become a Patron!

The ‘I’m struggling’ thread

  • Thread starter Thread starter Deleted member 4957
  • Start date Start date
Clinker said:
Hi Kev

Good bump for a good thread.

Personally i think I'm in an OK place right now, sun is starting to shine through which i think gives lots of people a little lift.

Recognise not all will be the same as me, and for those the door is always open for a chat if wanted.

Take care all....
Click to expand...


I'd never really felt I felt the benefit of the longer days and Season Affective Disorder, but man alive has coming home from work and it still being light made a difference to my mood
 
  • Like
Reactions: Clinker
I’ve never posted anything on this thread, but always found it robust and comforting.
every year, I go to punchestown and have a jolly good time. Boy’s trip.
this year I got back home to find my mother in hospital, having had major abdominal surgery. My father, who has dementia, was in respite care. My eldest son had a tonsillar growth and had gone in for an urgent biopsy. Then my mother had a heart attack and my father caught covid and is now on end of life care.
im trying to look at the positives, the great days with my dad and Ferdy and nine de sivola. I bought him a share for his birthday many years ago.
but it’s like a great kick in the balls, and not without a fair amount of guilt being away racing in Ireland whilst all this was going on.
beer
 
  • Like
Reactions: Kevloaf and Deleted member 4957
Very Sorry to hear this Guinness Village , for what it's worth , I don't think you should be too hard on yourself for going away .
I was going to Oz years ago when my Father became ill , and i nearly cancelled , but he told me to go .
Looking at the Positives and the Good times is never a bad thing in my mind , and after all .
We can't change the past .
 
Thanks. Difficult times, but some things are just out of control . But it often feels that somehow I’m at fault.
 
Sorry to read Guinness Village - that is a fair string of misfortune. Easier said than done sometimes, but you definitely shouldn't feel guilt - especially for doing something that bought you & your dad so much joy.

Don't be too hard on yourself.
 
Last edited:
Guinness Village said:
I’ve never posted anything on this thread, but always found it robust and comforting.
every year, I go to punchestown and have a jolly good time. Boy’s trip.
this year I got back home to find my mother in hospital, having had major abdominal surgery. My father, who has dementia, was in respite care. My eldest son had a tonsillar growth and had gone in for an urgent biopsy. Then my mother had a heart attack and my father caught covid and is now on end of life care.
im trying to look at the positives, the great days with my dad and Ferdy and nine de sivola. I bought him a share for his birthday many years ago.
but it’s like a great kick in the balls, and not without a fair amount of guilt being away racing in Ireland whilst all this was going on.
beer
Click to expand...

You definitely can't tie your trip to the DRF together with the difficulties you and your family face. They are completely unconnected, and you have nothing at all to blame yourself for GV.

It's a very tough thing you're going through, but right now it's important that you're at your strongest, and you find every positive you can. Nine de Sivola is definitely one of them, but there will many more.

As an aside, I've known David Parry for a long time, and I'm sure you'll know Mike and Collette too? It's hard to go racing these days without bumping into the pair of them!

I was there with David the day that Nine won the Pertemps Qualifier at Warwick, and I seem to remember that David had an across the card double that day. I'm not certain which horse, but I think it may have been Haut de Gamme. Nine is also significant to me because David had a choice of two horses to buy at the time, and he and I had a discussion and I thought Nine would be the better of the two horses. Strangely therefore, you and I have a vague connection of fate!

Now's the time to spend some quality time with your loved ones. But don't forget to keep some time for yourself too. You need it. Sadly some of what happens next is inevitable, but as tough as it sounds, life goes on. Yours will, and so will your own family. What you will have though is countless memories. And I can tell you from one person amongst so many who go through this, that you should now make the most of what time you have left, however tough that may be, and when that time is up the memories you have are absolutely priceless.
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: Faugheen_Machine, Clinker, Johnoman66 and 1 other person
Guinness Village said:
I’ve never posted anything on this thread, but always found it robust and comforting.
every year, I go to punchestown and have a jolly good time. Boy’s trip.
this year I got back home to find my mother in hospital, having had major abdominal surgery. My father, who has dementia, was in respite care. My eldest son had a tonsillar growth and had gone in for an urgent biopsy. Then my mother had a heart attack and my father caught covid and is now on end of life care.
im trying to look at the positives, the great days with my dad and Ferdy and nine de sivola. I bought him a share for his birthday many years ago.
but it’s like a great kick in the balls, and not without a fair amount of guilt being away racing in Ireland whilst all this was going on.
beer
Click to expand...

Thats a rough run of fortunate for you and your family Guinness Village


I think it highlights the positives that you enjoyed so much beforehand too (as much as the recent downside) like your racehorse share with your dad.

The main thing I have done when having two or three bad things happening in succession, is not to see them as a collective run of mounting issues rhat could overwhelm me.

But to try and treat each one in isolation, as much as possible.

Something to focus on individually and to make the best of each one, even if they are hard to deal with.

Spending precious time with your dad.

Helping your Mums recuperation

Keeping your sons spirits up, when something has been found - it can then be treated, and be a positive pathway back to good health

Take care

Most of all

Thanks for sharing, keep doing that, please
 
  • Like
Reactions: Faugheen_Machine, HesTheOne, Clinker and 2 others
Guinness Village said:
I’ve never posted anything on this thread, but always found it robust and comforting.
every year, I go to punchestown and have a jolly good time. Boy’s trip.
this year I got back home to find my mother in hospital, having had major abdominal surgery. My father, who has dementia, was in respite care. My eldest son had a tonsillar growth and had gone in for an urgent biopsy. Then my mother had a heart attack and my father caught covid and is now on end of life care.
im trying to look at the positives, the great days with my dad and Ferdy and nine de sivola. I bought him a share for his birthday many years ago.
but it’s like a great kick in the balls, and not without a fair amount of guilt being away racing in Ireland whilst all this was going on.
beer
Click to expand...

Horrible run of events, any single one of them would be a lot to go through, so commend yourself on staying strong for yourself and those around you that need you at the moment.

I do agree with the others that the guilt is not really something you should be feeling

Thanks for sharing :love_heart:
 
  • Like
Reactions: Faugheen_Machine
Guinness Village said:
I’ve never posted anything on this thread, but always found it robust and comforting.
every year, I go to punchestown and have a jolly good time. Boy’s trip.
this year I got back home to find my mother in hospital, having had major abdominal surgery. My father, who has dementia, was in respite care. My eldest son had a tonsillar growth and had gone in for an urgent biopsy. Then my mother had a heart attack and my father caught covid and is now on end of life care.
im trying to look at the positives, the great days with my dad and Ferdy and nine de sivola. I bought him a share for his birthday many years ago.
but it’s like a great kick in the balls, and not without a fair amount of guilt being away racing in Ireland whilst all this was going on.
beer
Click to expand...

When awful stuff happens, there's a lot of guilt that comes up "oh, it was cos I went here" "oh i shouldn't have done this"

It's just your brain processing trauma. When my dad passed away, I'd had gone home for the evening and had to get a cab back across London at 2am to be with him when he passed. I made it, but I was wracked for days "how selfish could I have been?" etc. But it was the right call. I'd slept on a sofa for 3 days. I'd had maybe 6 hours full sleep in that time, I was exhausted. It was the right decision, even if it may have bad consequences. Nothing you did could have changed any of that. You'll accept it in time. I hope you're coping as best you can fella
 
  • Like
Reactions: Saxon Warrior, Kevloaf and Salubrious Chin
FFS :highly_amused:

I'll tell everyone why I'm sensitive to a lack of transparency and openness on a gambling forum.
So sometimes I ask questions.

It's because many people who habitually gamble run into problems, some small, some worse.
I've personally been affected by both extremes.

Gamblers tend to follow, this might be form, a trainer, a horse, a tipster, a rating, or someone on a forum.

Many are like sheep and have differing mental fortitude and finances, and all too often when people pop up in the short term and can appear to be or actually are very successful, this can lead to some people following blindly. As success is something that most gamblers are striving for obviously.

I believe these successful people have the most responsibility to be open and transparent as much as possible, and certainly be open to question from time to time.
Without this, the dangers are clear and the most vulnerable will suffer.

Beware the prophet ! Who when questioned ? shuts you down, ignores you, changes the subject, or produces long lists of past factual events you already know (or can google) :highly_amused:
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: Winging The Last, YoungHustler, Big Bucks and 6 others
Guys I’m not trying to get in the way but I’d like to share how I feel. I admire you both enormously and you are both the soul of this forum. Wenger and Fergie clashed like crazy but if you asked them now they would likely talk about the other with huge admiration and respect. We should all be free to march to the beat of our own drummer but at the same time be aware of the impact we have on others. It is a delicate balance and one that is hard to strike at times.

I think you have both made valid points as is always the case when two leading personalities clash. From my own personal perspective I hope you guys can kiss and make up as we will all be the better for it.
 
  • Like
Reactions: YoungHustler, Big Bucks, On The Fringe and 6 others
In the text area next to
● 'Ignore List',

● enter the Usernames of users that you want to Ignore.

Then
● press SAVE

Takes less than a minute :encouragement:[/FONT][/SIZE]
​​[/QUOTE]


Didn't know this was an option! Thanks Saxon Warrior . A good option to have :excitement::couple_inlove::glee:
 
SAMCRO said:
I hope Kev doesn't mind me posting this, but I've recently set up an online male counselling service. So if you or know of anyone who is struggling, check out the website for more info! Sessions can be done by phone call or online video (Zoom, Face-time Etc)

www.mantomancounselling.com
Click to expand...

?45 a bloody session
bloody mercenary
would be a nice touch if voluntary
 
  • Like
Reactions: SAMCRO
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom